Hard day.... but a bit of comfort

Wow - today was a hard day. I woke up feeling numb. I didn't want to even move my body... that is not a good way to feel.

I was so impressed to see Dave up & at it - how strong could he be? Out mowing the lawn & getting things done around the house. It just didn't seem like it was going to be much of a day to really get all excited about & I really dreaded going out as the family had all made plans to meet up at their favorite shooting spot & ride 4-wheelers & shoot their guns with Keith's great Friend Glen & his son Clayton..... So I did everything possible to just get up & lay my stuff out for the day... as I started getting ready - Dave came in, the lawn was mowed... he threw something in the closet & was obviously upset & fell down crying. (I was so glad.) I didn't know how he was being so strong. He said... I can't even see the grass to mow a straight line.... Good!! Then I don't feel so dumb with my eyes looking like I am wearing a inner tube around each eyeball!! (My eyes are so swollen...but for those of you who know me... I just can't do this (handle losing someone) nor bare my testimony without crying.)

So we got it together... Dave loaded our bike & waited patiently for us in the driveway... we drove across town & out to the hill as we both cried on & off as we looked out over the valley & talked about memories. The wind was blowing so hard. Dave didn't want to shoot, I didn't want to ride.... it was nice though to sit back & watch everyone for a while. Even though we didn't want to do it, we now realize that taking a ride & breathing the fresh air, shooting the guns (or in my case shooting my camera) & doing things Keith loved to do too.... actually brought some relief & comfort to our day & we did leave with a sense of being o.k. for the day.... I know it was a good thing for Garrett too.

Then during the day - many of the girls had run to the flower shop & picked up 3 arrangements of flowers, with the card picks, & several of those little cards .... they came up with the thought to have everyone write a note to dad on them & put them in the vases. Then they bought several balloons in the hope that we would all go down to the green belt where Keith had run & where he had fallen & leave the flowers, let the kids release the balloons to heaven for Grandpa & to remember him.

Well we did... it was warm. The first time I think the wind chimed down to like 50 miles an hour instead of 90 & we were able to set the flowers at the site where Keith had last been. Grandma had a little talk to the kids about Grandpa being in Heaven & how we were going to send the balloons onto him & tell him how much we love him. She counted to 5 & about 15-20 balloons were released. They each told Grandpa they loved him & watched as they disappeared into the clouds. (What a special moment.) Then Doreen (Dave's mom) asked us to each read our cards out loud (Aaaah.. not good for me/us, cause we were already a mess again.) During this time... the wind almost became still.

We went around & each person tried to do their best. Spouses read for each other, Aunts & Uncles helped some of the kids, it was a neat moment... even though it was hard. We then sang a couple songs together & Doreen gave some mom advice to us all. We laughed & talked, we cried, we hugged... it was a good healing time.

As we left it was warm, the wind was now back to a slight breeze, & you could feel little specks of rain starting to come down. I get the feeling the rain was sent to wash away the stain of blood that had been left to mark the spot where Keith had fallen... I think he needed us to know that this part was over & we could let it go. It wasn't probably about 20 minutes & the rain started to fall just like it had on Saturday after Keith had passed away.

I am so grateful to my parents who have taken care of my youngest 3 this past couple days so that we could be with family & do the things we needed. It was so quiet at home... but we realize what a blessing it was not to have to worry about them, when they needed to eat, getting them to bed on time, keeping them entertained when that has been the last thing I think we had energy for... so I was able to meet my mom & dad in Lyman to pick the kids up so we could get them ready for school this week & have them home. The drive was nice - it rained on & off. It was good to see my mom & dad & visit with them for a couple minutes. The drive home it rained
hard & It rained throughout the evening.

Mark Leo, a good friend of ours & co-worker of Dave's who owns the China Garden in town - had called & wanted to bring in a meal for the whole family. Well, we had expected some fine Chinese food & in turn he spoiled us with a huge Prime rib dinner that was beyond amazing. Wow was it delicious! What an amazing bunch of friends we have & what a wonderful town we live in!

Thank-you to everyone ... we know we will just have take each day as it comes... but I am grateful for the experiences we have had today to be together, to remember, & to heal.

Tonight we are starting to receive many more calls as so many people were out of town visiting family for the holiday & have just heard the news.... it is so shocking to everyone.

Tomorrow we meet with the Funeral home & make those final decisions for the week. May we all rest well & may time continue to heal.