Good friends return to Heaven... & "I hate" mom years have approached

It is interesting how life plays out... things that happen we never see coming or expect. This past week was one of those. I really won't go into much detail except to leave an account here so I will be able to read in the future & remember how My Heavenly Father Loves me & sent me many witnesses of that this past week.


This past week Cheryl O'Neil a good friend of ours & neighbor passed away after being in the ICU for 20 days following a brief illness that they thought was a common cold. She fought a brave battle & it was so hard to see her family & her have to go through this. We ran down to see her the Sunday after she was admitted to the ICU in Provo & Dave & I both got the same distinct feeling that she wouldn't be coming home to GR. Breaks your heart. They really don't know what caused her to get so sick & to actually die. But her body was attacking her lungs. She kept testing positive for H1N1, but wasn't responding to any treatment for it. Her lungs practically failed her & then all of her organs just began shutting down too. She went into the ER one Friday while visiting her kids - they ambulance her to Utah Valley where she was admitted to the ICU - went a week with breathing treatments & all sorts of tests, She lost her ability to move & do anything for herself as her Oxygen levels were so low her body was just fighting to stay alive. That next Monday they took her in for an emergency surgery to look around & do 5 biopsies. The next day was like a miracle, but my heart told me it was a tender mercy of the Lord as she acted as she had recovered fully. Up walking the halls, talking to her kids, being her fun, happy self. She had 2 good days & by Wed. she shot downhill, they intubated her, had to put her in a coma so her body could fight & she was never able to recover.... She spent 11 days in a coma - where the night before all body activities started to cease to function & her family was called together to turn the breathing equipment off on Sunday. She went peacefully without any sign of struggle. 5 married kids - many grand kids & her wonderful husband who has been there for us so many times in our lives since we moved here. Most recently with Dave & the boys on their traumatizing Hunting trip where they helped to save Our family from disaster. We will miss Cheryl & all the little things about her. I got called in for a Interview with the bishop yesterday - as they extended a call to me to Serve with Cheryl - as she had asked for me to be an assistant with her at the Family History Center. My heart is broke I won't actually get to work with her in that calling now, who knows maybe she will attend to her calling from the other side?

The next day after running back down to the Hospital to be with the

O'Neil family - I had got the kids off to the bus stop & was doing some

chores around the house when the phone rang. The friend on the other

end was calling to ask where our "Grandpa" John lived. As a 911 call had just gone in reporting a gun shot victim at an address on Juniper & was now being cancelled due to the victim being deceased. Quickly I realized it wasn't John - but our neighbor & a family I Visit Teach - who were our next door neighbors on Juniper. I ran there immediately to see how I could be of assistance not knowing exactly what happened. I won't record all the details here - but to remember it wasn't what it seemed.... but to remember my good friend Marion. My heart was broken & so sad that he felt the need to take his life. *FOR THE RECORD - MY Heart of HEART Continues to tell me HE DIDN'T do this!!!* He was such a kind & good man, we had just visited with him 2 x's the week before & he was happy, doing crafts with his wife (which I learn now he loved doing crafts - I thought he was just being kind & helping her.) He had suffered much, especially emotionally & mental anguish from the one he loved the most. I was grief struck at the happenings throughout the week & how someone could claim they never loved their spouse after being married for 28 years. That she was only his caregiver & was now celebrating that she could get on with her life now. I will never forget the heartache I have felt as I have had to listen to all that I have this week. When I was at an all time low & my heart hurt so bad - I longed to know if my Heavenly Father loved me & knew of my breaking heart & that I didn't know what to do. I am so grateful for prayers that are answered & for me, he sent the help I needed. I know there was nothing more I could do, that it isn't any of our faults & if there is any fault - our Heavenly Father will be the Judge of that in his time & in his way. I am happy for Marion that he is in a better place, that he is now happy, & feels better. I will miss his smiles & his kind words & conversations we have had.





Beyond that - we are entering the "I hate" mom years of Teenage-hood. It breaks my heart. As I do & try to do the best I can for my kids, to be there for them in every way possible. I have always followed my heart in everything I have felt Heavenly Father has wanted me to do. I have given up 15+ years of work that I loved & the wonderful education I struggled so hard to finish to become a mom, to be home, & to raise my 4 beautiful kids. I hope that someday I will get to see the benefit of the devotion & sacrifice I felt I needed to make & have always been willing to make to better their lives.

Most days I get to enjoy the constant ringing in the air of how mean & awful I am, how I don't care or notice?, how I don't spend any time knowing what is going on in their lives?, How I need to chill out, how I am just so awful ... yep, so much fun!! I will hope it is just a teen phase, & them trying to find their way in life. How unfair & un-fun to them - to feel like this or to act like this? Especially at a time of their life when you can use all the support & love you can get - more than ever before & possibly will ever need in the future.


I hope that someday they will realize how much I truly love them & have. I hope after all the struggles & times I do have to keep them home, or turn off computers, or deny them a evening of hanging out with friends due to broken rules, lies, not helping in our home/family, etc.. that they truly will become wonderful young men & women who love the Lord & are out to serve their fellow men with love in their hearts & to do good in our community & society.

I Love each of my wonderful kids with all my heart & always will.