Thoughts for the day...

Well, I can say that today seems to be a little easier on my heart. I still feel that sense of numbness almost a surreal feeling like you aren't really doing all this... just watching it.

Yesterday we all met with the funeral home to make some of those arrangements that just have to be done. The drive over to Rock Springs just didn't feel real. I told Dave - this is so weird, feels like we aren't really even here, but we know we are doing this & these things... just take one day at a time.

Well the visit went well. Of course Doreen is always so organized, she was very set on having it all planned & typed up before we met with the funeral home. Being there have been so many visitors she hasn't had much time to be alone nor do those little things that you forget have to get done & I sense that is a bit frustrating for her, but she doesn't want to miss anyone person who might come to visit. She is tired. Being it had been a long "holiday" weekend we weren't able to meet with the funeral home Tuesday.

So I think for just a few moments she had to shut all the windows & lock the doors so she could just sit down for a moment to type & when she arrived she mentioned it was hot off the press & she was a little worried she had been so rushed that she had forgot something/someone. She had learned recently with the passing of her mom - you need to pass it around for proof reading & sure enough every time she has... a name or 2 was found & a few things that were forgotten were added.

The funeral director was very impressed she had already done all the work!! So we went to look at caskets ~ this is where it is funny. Cause you know with 8+ children & yourself there are a lot of opinions. Keith had always told everyone that he just wanted to be put in a Pine Box & put on the back of a truck & taken for a ride in the mountains... then where ever he fell off he would like to stay. Well of course that wasn't going to happen! There was a very nice pine casket & some fell in love with it right away (much nicer than a pine box.) But then some fell in love with a deep green casket that would have matched his eyes. In the end it came down to which one had a liner that didn't look like it was pink... cause you know Dad would have been just a bit upset...he loved to tease the boys about being girls, but I do have a picture with Keith in a pink shirt - I think he would tell us he only wore it cause it was a camping shirt! :) Then also it couldn't be to "Ruffly" looking!! Well in the end, Doreen chose a beautiful casket that has a scene of a farm embroidered on the inside top of the casket & also on some of the hardware on the outside. She said that was Keith's dream that when they finally retired they would go away somewhere & buy a little farm & live happily ever after... So until then a simple scene of a farm to remind them all of that dream he had.

Then onto the sign-in book. Oh how do you choose? He loved Thomas Kinkade, he loved the outdoors, he loved hunting, he loved the temple... well in the end Doreen selected a very nice & masculine book that has a HUGE elk on the cover & her response was... I never did let him hang his antlers in the house - I am sure he would like this one!

Then onto the program cover. That didn't take long... it had to be the SLC Temple on the cover - as to honor their Temple marriage & all the blessings & opportunities they have to look forward to.

As we left we all went over to the mall to find something we could wear for the services... that isn't easy. Then later in the day many of them went to the floral shop to pick out flowers for the services & then in the evening some spent time going & getting their hair done together.

We were informed about 2 pm yesterday that the autopsy had been completed & it was found that he died from Coronary Heart Disease. (more info. & a link is posted in an earlier post.)

Late into the night I spent time designing this display for Keith's High School & College "Athletic" career. It was a neat experience. I am not really all that excited about sports most of the time & I don't really understand most of it either... but I had to laugh - as I had my music turned up loud on my computer (it was late & everyone should have woken up... but they slept) I sang to my hearts content, went through all the articles, clipped, & pasted... I had to smile as I felt a bit like being in High School & part of the "Pep squad" or a "Cheerleader" as I made this to honor him & all he accomplished in his High School & College years. I smiled many times as I thought of how he loved to do these things & how hard he had to have worked all those years... which he continued to do throughout his life. Then to think of the adrenaline he experienced as he accomplished so many things (a little adrenaline is a good thing... but he had to have been on a cloud with all he was doing in those years of his life.) Many things I didn't know about him... Many things we should have known - but it goes to show that he was a humble man as he didn't brag about his accomplishments. I am so proud that he continued to do the things he loved & enjoyed as he got older. I can see he learned to work so very hard during these years & carried that on... he stayed physically strong & he worked hard all the time... what an amazing man.

As for today they had a meeting with the City to talk about putting together a memorial bench for him along the greenbelt. While they were there - they learned that the city is going to have a tree dedicating ceremony in a couple weeks & had planned on planting 12 big trees in that area with drip lines to them from the water tank that is near so they would grow/live. So they were able to go pick out a tree & they said they would plant one right near that path where Keith had last been & the bench will go up on the ground that is higher about 20ft away so that when it rains it won't be in a huge mud puddle as the water runs down the dirt. I hear tonight we are having Ronna's famous smothered burritos.... it gives us all something to look forward to!! :)

Tonight all the spouses & kids who had to leave for a couple days will return as we start preparing for the funeral services. The service is going to be a really neat time. The program looks amazing. It is going to be awfully hard for all those participating to do their part, we will just hope for an extra amazing amount of strength & courage to be able to all make it through without floating away from all our tears. (Maybe we should bring/wear life jackets.... Keith knew just as well as everyone else what a huge baby I am & he enjoyed trying to make me smile when it was hard.)

Tomorrow the men of the family have the opportunity to go & help prepare Keith's body before the services. That will be a neat time for each of them. I was amazed when my grandmother passed away a few years ago at the peace I felt when I was able to be a part of helping to prepare her body. My spirit was touched. I really sensed that my spirit was having an experience that I didn't quite understand, but that it was a good thing. It made me realize that the things we are taught about our bodies & spirits & our pre-exsistance is true... I don't doubt that. I don't understand it all either - but I am grateful for that knowledge of where I have come from & where each of us go & how we continue on in a much greater plan & life than we have here.

I am so grateful for the gospel & for all that I have been taught. I am so grateful to my Savior & for his sacrifice for each of us so that returning to our Heavenly Father & having the chance to live again with our families is possible. It makes life worth living... even though right now it is terribly tough & the days ahead are going to be a huge struggle figuring out how we do it with a hole in our heart... but I know with time it will help heal, our Heavenly Father loves us. Keith is still near & I have felt that.